GenPox Pack Genuine Horoscopes
Welcome to Generation Apocalypse webzine’s genuine horoscopes augured by none other than the GenPox Pack. join koda, Rocky, Lola, Shilo, & Frodo as they use their memes to augur the future! Check out all of their genuine horoscopes here.
Born under a perplexing sign
You have always been odd, weird, strange, or otherwise out of alignments with those around you. Don’t be vexed – there is nothing wrong with you. It’s just that you were born under a perplexing sign and nobody ever seems to take that into account! Until Now, that is!
Are Your Humors Out Of Alignment Because You Are Most Vexed By What The Future Portends, But You Have Lost Faith In Standard Astrologies & Other Augurical Arts In These Ominously Fluxual Times? Are you tired of fate’s whispers bypassing your ears due to your perplexing nature?
Look no further, my strange and beautiful friend, for we shall disclose to you what fate hath decreed for oddballs such as thee! Just scroll down to find the celestial alignments whose augury you find yourself in want of.
when the moon hits your eye
That’s Amoré, Bitches! Some say that dogs are nature’s perverts, but that’s just because we’re so gosh-darn filled to the brim with love*! Either way, come & hearken unto the sooth we’re sayin concerning everyone’s favorite topic: love.
*And If we’re being 100% honest, perversions, too – but in our defense humans are uptight aF.
When The Moon Hits Your Eye:
Born Under A Perplexing Sign
Why Are You Like This?
You Have no idea why you’re like this, but you have no interest in changing– if life itself gets to be absurd then why can’t you? all human relationships are about as absurd as a giant pizza in the sky, so there ain’t nothing wrong getting a little wacky with it when it comes to love, too!
just because most people don’t take you seriously doesn’t mean that no one does. You’ll know you’ve met the right person when you say, “Sorry, it was just a joke…” when you think you’ve gone too far and the first thing they say back is, “so’s ya face!“
the stars your destination
whoever thought the end of the world would be so…so…so fucking much. just so damn much all the time – sometimes it just gets to be a bit too much and you gotta head to splitsville, baby! That’s when the stars are your destination, and we’re here to help you find your way to them.
the stars your destination:
Born Under A Perplexing Sign
apocalyptic absurdity abounds & life has prepared you well
people have always thought you were weird – but while others make brief sojourns into the absurd side of life, you have never been able to find your way out of it. being at home in the absurd has made your social life suck at times, but now that reality has gone into permanent absurdity overdrive, people are starting to see you in a new light.
you have two important lessons to teach people who find living in absurd times overwhelming. first and foremost: never let the bastards see you flummoxed; and second and even foremoster: don’t be a dick to people you think are weird because when you finally recognize that their perspective is valid and useful the only advice they’ll feel like giving you is something like “never let the bastards see you flummoxed.”
Bad moon Rising
Bad moons are notorious for the troubled times they portend, but alas! you’ve become a bit of a troubled times connoisseur over the past few years and it sure seems like you’re in for a lot more practice sooner rather than later. Fear not, my friend, and let us guide you with our apocalyptic auguries concerning the bad moon that’s on the rise!
Bad Moon Rising:
Born Under A Perplexing Sign
Bad Moon? More Like Mad Boon, Heh Heh Heh…
sure, you have no idea what’s happening around you – but that’s not gonna stop you from enjoying the ride! let others worry about “problems” Like the end of the world – chicken little either get squashed or they don’t, no use frettin til it happens. until then, live it the fuck up!
Under mundane celestial alignments
Just because there’s nothing particularly special about a day doesn’t mean nothing’s gonna happen on it – boring average each-day-running-into-the-next days are the starting points for many an adventure – perhaps there’s one in store for thee!
UNDER MUNDANE CELESTIAL ALIGNMENTS:
Born Under A Perplexing Sign
This Is Great (???)
sure, you have no idea what’s happening around you – but that’s not gonna stop you from enjoying the ride! koda’s a big fan of blissful ignorance and says “only a fool cleans their own poop”*.
*statement not endorsed by Generation Apocalypse Webzine. In fact, we told him that it’s terrible advice, to which he responded that the only advice he’s taking right now is Mr. T’s. Kid’s got some real sass sometimes…
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