GenPox Pack Genuine Horoscopes
Welcome to Generation Apocalypse webzine’s genuine horoscopes augured by none other than the GenPox Pack. join koda, Rocky, Lola, Shilo, & Frodo as they use their memes to augur the future! Check out all of their genuine horoscopes here.
Born under an auspicious sign
rejoice! for fate has smiled upon thee since the night – or mid-afternoon if your birth parents were into that sort of thing – of thine illustrious conception. Welcome, my lucky friend, and hear how fate plans on blessing thee next!
or Are Your Humors Out Of Alignment Because You Are Most Vexed By What The Future Portends, But You Have Lost Faith In Standard Astrologies & Other Augurical Arts In These Ominously Fluxual Times? Are you tired of trying to parse fate’s whispers from the tumult of mediocrity abounding, these days?
Look no further, my blessed and beautiful friend, for we shall disclose to thee what fate hath decreed for those beloved of destiny! Just scroll down to find the celestial alignments whose augury you find yourself in want of.
Under mundane celestial alignments
Just because there’s nothing particularly special about a day doesn’t mean nothing’s gonna happen on it – boring average each-day-running-into-the-next days are the starting points for many an adventure – perhaps there’s one in store for thee!
UNDER MUNDANE CELESTIAL ALIGNMENTS:
Born Under An Auspicious Sign
A Flavorful Fate Indeed!
How Auspicious indeed! You must be in the fabled “flavor town” the pups have heard so much about – life ain’t so bad when it tastes like genPox! give life a good lick for us and don’t forget to sniff the messenger*!
*we at Generation Apocalypse Webzine have no idea what this means, but get the vague feeling that we should not in fact endorse it.
the stars your destination
whoever thought the end of the world would be so…so…so fucking much. just so damn much all the time – sometimes it just gets to be a bit too much and you gotta head to splitsville, baby! That’s when the stars are your destination, and we’re here to help you find your way to them.
The Stars Your Destination:
Born Under An Auspicious Sign
the odds of winning the game of “Before it’s too late” go down exponentially the longer you play
you’ve been preparing to choose your own adventure your whole life – books, video games, scrolling through streaming apps – and now all you gotta do is see what your options are. but options are like seeds – the longer you put off planting them the fewer you’ll be able to actually harvest.
seriously, the time to make a plan and follow through is “before it’s too late” – if that’s still true for you then start planning now so that you can get going yesterday. Life has blessed you with ample luck up until this point – luck is a gift that should always be welcomed but never relied upon. treat it accordingly.
when the moon hits your eye
That’s Amoré, Bitches! Some say that dogs are nature’s perverts, but that’s just because we’re so gosh-darn filled to the brim with love*! Either way, come & hearken unto the sooth we’re sayin concerning everyone’s favorite topic: love.
*And If we’re being 100% honest, perversions, too – but in our defense humans are uptight aF.
When The Moon Hits Your Eye:
Born Under An Auspicious Sign
Do You Like The Sparkle?
is it the impending doom that’s making your skin tingle? maybe for everyone else, but not for you – the sparks of love light up the darkness and everything finally falls into place for you even while everything else falls apart around you.
so, do you like the sparkle? like it? the sparkle? you love it! life is about to enter action-adventure mode & you’re about to find the other romantic lead in your quest: no will-they-or-won’t-they‘s about it – this is your sparkle and you’re gonna make this bitch glow!
Bad moon Rising
Bad moons are notorious for the troubled times they portend, but alas! you’ve become a bit of a troubled times connoisseur over the past few years and it sure seems like you’re in for a lot more practice sooner rather than later. Fear not, my friend, and let us guide you with our apocalyptic auguries concerning the bad moon that’s on the rise!
Bad Moon Rising:
Born Under An Auspicious Sign
A Moon Is A Moon Is A Moon…
The Moon may be risin in a most inauspicious way but you are most tenacious in the face of adversity! you will take these ill-omened days in stride & what is more: your unwavering optimism & innate good vibes will aid others in your life to better withstand the vicissitudes of the pox.
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