GP Genuine Horoscopes For Those Born Under A Most Auspicious Sign

GenPox Pack Genuine Horoscopes

three dogs laying on a floor. the background is splotchily reddened. all three have glowing blue eyes. at the top are the words "Spice Stash?" and at the bottom it says "sounds made up." — Enjoy The Unintended Consequences of Canine Mischief!

Welcome to Generation Apocalypse webzine’s genuine horoscopes augured by none other than the GenPox Pack. join koda, Rocky, Lola, Shilo, & Frodo as they use their memes to augur the future! Check out all of their genuine horoscopes here.

Born under a Most auspicious sign

Your luck is the subject of many a local legend spread in as many taverns & public Houses as your varied acquaintances may frequent. you, my friend, were born under a most auspicious sign – we pups would say that you have grown plump suckling at the teat of destiny! you lucky bitch!

despite being one of fate’s favored bitches, Are Your Humors Out Of Alignment Because You Are Most Vexed By What The Future Portends? alas, Have you Lost Faith In Standard Astrologies & Other Augurical Arts In These Ominously Fluxual Times?

Look no further, my luck-drenched friend, for we shall disclose to you what fate hath decreed for spiceless souls such as thee! Just scroll down to find the celestial alignments whose augury you find yourself in want of.

Under mundane celestial alignments

Just because there’s nothing particularly special about a day doesn’t mean nothing’s gonna happen on it – boring average each-day-running-into-the-next days are the starting points for many an adventure – perhaps there’s one in store for thee!

UNDER MUNDANE CELESTIAL ALIGNMENTS:
Born Under A Most Auspicious Sign

dog getting their head scratched. they have their eyes shut and a blissful expression on their face. in the corner are the words "keep clicking dammit"

Everything Zen!

Seriously, What are you worried about? you were born under a most auspicious sign so you know everything is gonna work out just fine for you! Relax and enjoy the ride! maybe share your luck a bit with some hapless fellow traveler down the road of life, most auspiciously of course.

the stars your destination

whoever thought the end of the world would be so…so…so fucking much. just so damn much all the time – sometimes it just gets to be a bit too much and you gotta head to splitsville, baby! That’s when the stars are your destination, and we’re here to help you find your way to them.

The Stars Your Destination:
Born Under A Most Auspicious Sign

little puppy looking adorable saying "I'm going on an Adventure!"

Let The Hero’s Journey Commence

anyone can set out on a hero’s journey, but not everyone cares. that’s definitely not the case for you: everywhere you go you’re the center of the action, and most the time you probably don’t even notice it. But everyone else does, and when you’ve had enough of the pox and set out on your journey it will become a quest and others will flock to you and join in on whatever adventures You choose.

Seriously, What are you worried about? you were born under a most auspicious sign so you know everything is gonna work out just fine for you! if anyone was born to go on a hero’s journey, it’s you. now is the time of monsters and you’re about to enter the pantheon of legendary monster slayers. most auspicious indeed!

when the moon hits your eye

That’s Amoré, Bitches! Some say that dogs are nature’s perverts, but that’s just because we’re so gosh-darn filled to the brim with love*! Either way, come & hearken unto the sooth we’re sayin concerning everyone’s favorite topic: love.

*And If we’re being 100% honest, perversions, too – but in our defense humans are uptight aF.

When The Moon Hits Your Eye:
Born Under A Most Auspicious Sign

two dogs: one trying to lick the other's mouth. the second dog's mouth is open so that the other dog's tongue fits into the opening perfectly for the picture. it's captioned with the words "...like peas and carrots"

They Say That Love Is Only True In Fairy Tales…

So TF what that you happen to be living through a dark and twisted fairy tale over-brimming with both absurdity & woe! It’s still a fairy tale in our books and there’s no need to wait for an ever after that’s already been swallowed by the abyss – all we are are dogs in the wind after all!

Seriously, What are you worried about? you were born under a most auspicious sign so you know everything is gonna work out just fine for you! You’re in love and as luck would have it they love you, too – most auspicious indeed!

Bad moon Rising

Bad moons are notorious for the troubled times they portend, but alas! you’ve become a bit of a troubled times connoisseur over the past few years and it sure seems like you’re in for a lot more practice sooner rather than later. Fear not, my friend, and let us guide you with our apocalyptic auguries concerning the bad moon that’s on the rise!