GenPox Pack Genuine Horoscopes
Welcome to Generation Apocalypse webzine’s genuine horoscopes augured by none other than the GenPox Pack. join koda, Rocky, Lola, Shilo, & Frodo as they use their memes to augur the future! Check out all of their genuine horoscopes here.
Born under an ominous sign
There is one lesson that fate must take great pleasure in watching you learn over and over again on the great hamster wheel of life: The World is big & you are small. for good or ill, you are a barnacle’s fronds awash in the sea of history trying to dodge jagged micro-plastics as you reach for victuals & sustenance.
Are Your Humors Out Of Alignment Because You Are Most Vexed By What The Future Portends, But You Have Lost Faith In Standard Astrologies & Other Augurical Arts In These Ominously Fluxual Times? Are you tired of fate’s whispers bypassing you because their words are too massive for your ears?
Look no further, my buffeted and beautiful friend, for we shall disclose to you what fate hath decreed for leaves in the wind such as thee! Just scroll down to find the celestial alignments whose augury you find yourself in want of.
Under mundane celestial alignments
Just because there’s nothing particularly special about a day doesn’t mean nothing’s gonna happen on it – boring average each-day-running-into-the-next days are the starting points for many an adventure – perhaps there’s one in store for thee!
UNDER MUNDANE CELESTIAL ALIGNMENTS:
Born Under An Ominous Sign
The Space Dog Feasts!
NGL we have no idea what’s happening here – but we hope to heck you’re more of a dog person than an astronaut person, because it looks like it’s gonna be a bad day for space nerds!
the stars your destination
whoever thought the end of the world would be so…so…so fucking much. just so damn much all the time – sometimes it just gets to be a bit too much and you gotta head to splitsville, baby! That’s when the stars are your destination, and we’re here to help you find your way to them.
The Stars Your Destination:
Born Under An Ominous Sign
sometimes the best plan is to get tf out, then deal with what to do next
how many apocalypse stories would’ve been made better if the hero staid home and never quested? How many of the heroes would have been better off personally? not too many to both – apocalypses don’t care if you’re ready for them or not. that’s kinda their thing really. so you might as well meet this one on your feet and ready to use them.
we know what you’re thinkin RN – you were born under an ominous sign: sorry pups, but you just ain’t hero material. that’s someone else’s story – yours is a constant dance between tragedy & farce. fair enough, friend, but didn’t you hear how the rivers of reality that flow through our timeline have been so thoroughly irony-poisoned that only undeserving heroes are believable anymore? become the undeserving hero that the world settles for before people start “ironically liking” real heroes again!
when the moon hits your eye
That’s Amoré, Bitches! Some say that dogs are nature’s perverts, but that’s just because we’re so gosh-darn filled to the brim with love*! Either way, come & hearken unto the sooth we’re sayin concerning everyone’s favorite topic: love.
*And If we’re being 100% honest, perversions, too – but in our defense humans are uptight aF.
When The Moon Hits Your Eye:
Born Under An Ominous Sign
Sometimes You Just Need A Breather: So Catch A Breath & Then Watch It Get Taken Away
let’s be honest: living through the pox is exhausting aF. especially if you were born under an ominous sign. yeah, you’re used to being overwhelmed so you know how to deal with it – but that doesn’t mean you should have to all the time!
take a damn breather, kiddo, you deserve it! but what’s this? there’s always other people who need breathers from the constant storm of overwhelming Bullshit, too – people say misery loves company as a way to make you feel guilty for being sad, but what else is pack for if it’s not to share your biggest feelings? Humans are weird sometimes!
find someone to be overwhelmed with – a friend to share the end of the world with! and who knows? we’ve seen enough movies to recognize a setting for romance when we see one – and honey, this is yours so live it TF up!
Bad moon Rising
Bad moons are notorious for the troubled times they portend, but alas! you’ve become a bit of a troubled times connoisseur over the past few years and it sure seems like you’re in for a lot more practice sooner rather than later. Fear not, my friend, and let us guide you with our apocalyptic auguries concerning the bad moon that’s on the rise!
Bad Moon Rising:
Born Under An Ominous Sign
CTRL + F The Abyss!
the universe has made it clear that it don’t owe you shit & it’s time to return the favor! scream back at the abyss then make it your bitch*!
*Respectfully, of course – we are dogs. we mean to enter into a loving relationship with the abyss – learn its ways and make them your ways. born under an ominous sign? Pshaw! show the universe how ominous you can be!
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