GenPox Pack Genuine Horoscopes
Welcome to Generation Apocalypse webzine’s genuine horoscopes augured by none other than the GenPox Pack. join koda, Rocky, Lola, Shilo, & Frodo as they use their memes to augur the future! Check out all of their genuine horoscopes here.
Born under a foreboding sign
people come to you with their problems to help them feel better about their own misfortunes & occasional engagements with luck’s malodorous twin. Yet fret not, my calamitously fated friend, the GenPox Pack has your scent!
Are Your Humors Out Of Alignment Because You Are Most Vexed By What The Future Portends, But alas! You Have Lost Faith In Standard Astrologies & Other Augurical Arts In These Ominously Fluxual Times? Are you tired of fate’s whispers being the sticks & stones bruising your spiritual bones?
Look no further, my baleful and beautiful friend, for we shall disclose to you what fate hath decreed for low hanging smitable fruit such as thee! Just scroll down to find the celestial alignments whose augury you find yourself in want of.
Under mundane celestial alignments
Just because there’s nothing particularly special about a day doesn’t mean nothing’s gonna happen on it – boring average each-day-running-into-the-next days are the starting points for many an adventure – perhaps there’s one in store for thee!
UNDER MUNDANE CELESTIAL ALIGNMENTS:
Born Under A Foreboding Sign
Are You The “Buck-o”?
Life won’t stop kicking you in soft & sensitives and then telling you to buck up about it. it feels like you’re gonna be the buck-o forever – what gives, life? a little forehead kiss every once in a while too much to ask for?
the stars your destination
whoever thought the end of the world would be so…so…so fucking much. just so damn much all the time – sometimes it just gets to be a bit too much and you gotta head to splitsville, baby! That’s when the stars are your destination, and we’re here to help you find your way to them.
The Stars Your Destination:
Born Under A Foreboding Sign
too much non-stop foreboding – you’re willing to try anything else at this point
You’re finally ready to accept that things are not going to get less foreboding in the foreseeable future. the vibes have all turned to bodes and none of them are doing well. but if you’re at the center of a shit storm then every direction leads out – just pick a path and go with it.
honestly, if the only way “continuing as your going” doesn’t go horribly wrong is that some miraculous intervention happens then, honey, it’s time to be that intervention. sure, you don’t know where a new path will take you, and that’s scary especially in these uncertain times. but you have a pretty clear idea that if nothing changes your future is bleak – and from where we’re sitting “uncertain future” smells a hell of a lot better than “certain doom“.
when the moon hits your eye
That’s Amoré, Bitches! Some say that dogs are nature’s perverts, but that’s just because we’re so gosh-darn filled to the brim with love*! Either way, come & hearken unto the sooth we’re sayin concerning everyone’s favorite topic: love.
*And If we’re being 100% honest, perversions, too – but in our defense humans are uptight aF.
When The Moon Hits Your Eye:
Born Under A Foreboding Sign
The Moon Is Frozen Pizza & The Chunks Hurt When They Hit
Sometimes you wonder what hates you more: LIFE or LOVE? usually it seems like taking a sizable crap on you is something they enjoy doing together… Sure Love may be in the air tonight but it’s probably riding on a wave of carbon monoxide.
friend, it’s time to lean into your foreboding fate tbh: it can’t be that hard to sell amorous affairs with one festooned with a foreboding fate as a love forbidden by fate, and seriously the only kind of love more popular than forbidden love is a groovy kind of love, and maybe that just ain’t your thing anyway.
Bad moon Rising
Bad moons are notorious for the troubled times they portend, but alas! you’ve become a bit of a troubled times connoisseur over the past few years and it sure seems like you’re in for a lot more practice sooner rather than later. Fear not, my friend, and let us guide you with our apocalyptic auguries concerning the bad moon that’s on the rise!
Bad Moon Rising:
Born Under A Foreboding Sign
Smooshed By Life…Again
When Life was handing out lemons to all your friends & neighbors it gave you naught but a yellow rock! your life is a tale of minor fiascos stuffed inside of major inconveniences – and a bad moon is just another moon to you. but remember – misery loves company, and minor misery loves to mildly inconvenience others to give you someone to commiserate with! so try standing under someone else’s umbrella for a spell and see if it don’t spring a leak & you can make a soggy friend! bad moon indeed!
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